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June 2018
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Was at Jewels parents today and i asked if Jewels wanted a coffee, i told her there was only blue top full fat milk to which she replied (and please read it slowly)

“I don’t really like full fat milk i can taste it, can you DILUTE IT DOWN before adding it to my coffee”

I don’t think she realised adding it to the coffee dilutes it anyways lol

Jewels asked me if i wanted a Guinness to drink, i was undecided so said “errmmm”

Jewels then pipes up and says

“Come on its not multiple choice……”

I looked up and said “Err yes it is , either YES or NO”

the brains of a stunner lol

Bought a new kettle the other day and jewels sad ..

“That kettle doesn’t boil as hot as the other one”

I looked in surprise and told her that water boils at 100 degrees so the water had to be 100 degrees to boil.

She dismissed this and just said ” Well it doesn’t boil as hot as the other one”

Conversation lost………..

IMG_20150301_140512 We were watching Luke playing football when it started raining, i said to jewels “These rain drops are getting bigger and stronger”

She replies “I know look at the dents there making in the ground!!!”

After laughing i told her they are stud marks lol

Jewels was asking me where me and Adam are going today, (bare in mind we have a ‘Concorde’ sports center here)

Jewels – “Where you going to day?”

Me – “To Concorde, how many concord’s do you know?”

Jewels – “Ha … 2 … ones a boeing 747 and the others a sports center”

Think about it………………..

Got a wild text from jewels

“Babe, is a coconut a nut?”

I asked if she was joking

She said

“But I thought it was a fruit”

That’s got to be the quote of the month

Chatting to Jewels about some plastic bags i’m looking at buying when i say

Jewels, you know its cheaper to buy RESEALABLE bags than it is to buy normal open bags?

Jewels says (Quite cleverly)

That’s obvious cus you can only use the RESEALABLE ones ONCE!!

Once i stopped laughing she looks and says

but i don’t see what your laughing at

Proper love her lol

Me and the great Jewels were in the Range the other day and Jewels says

“I like those lights under that gazebo, do you think they are solar powered?”

I said “but were inside, solar power doesn’t work without sun”

Jewels replies

“Are you kidding me!!!!, but the lights are on”

Yes Jewels, that must mean they work from batteries dunt it???

Guess who looks after the electric in our house?

Chatting to jewels and she says

“I’m as clever as you are, go on then ask me any question!”

I asked her what pi was to 4 decimal places.

She replied “Is it minced beef?”

Nutter … that’s all I have to say

Me and jewels were chatting about chemical names and abreviations so I asked her what is o2, h2o and co2


jewels gets cocky and asks if I know what j2o is?

To be honest I don’t think she knew what it is lol

I’ve just asked jewels if we had any batteries, she told me they were in the drawer, when I checked the date they ran out 2 years ago.
Then jewels days quite serious
“Batteries don’t run out of date unless you use them”

I told her they did but she told me they last forever unless you use them then they can run out.


Just watching lottery who dares wins and the question is to name as many British boxing world champions as possible.

Brains jumps up and shouts


Lol he’s not British and he’s bloody fiction. …

Was at our work party and we read a cracker fact to Jewels

Who invented scissors

Jewels said is was someone sharp

I told her it was Leonardo da vinci and she said

Is that why he cut his ear off lol

20131109_162942Jewels saw this and asked me who ‘Cliff face’ was lol

Just chatting to dad and he asks

“Whens the International Play Station coming over in the sky tonight”

He means the International Space Station lol

I was looking at a star last night intrigued which star it was so i was looking on my star app, when guess who pipes up

what you doing babe

Me – im just trying to identify that star

Jewels……”which one, that one in the distance?”

lol “the one in the distance” lol, nothing gets further away that’s still in view than a star lol … another classic by my jewels

Playing Tiger Woods golf with Jewels and the one liner comes out

“That’s a right shot, right on the freeway”

Thinks Jewels thinks she’s playing on an American Road lol

Was talking to a friend this morning and he let on he was doing some DIY, he was using polyfiller but made it a bit watery.

Then his brain starts going in overdrive to make it thicker.

After a bit of thought he decided to use…SMASH

Lol bloody potato smash.

Not only is Jewels a nutter but Craig is too.


Watching Luke play football today and Jewels says

“It wouldn’t be half as windy if they turned them things off”

Ye jewels, cus there’s an OFF switch for the weather, turn the oven on and it might get warmer…….!!

Good job shes beautiful….

Was doing some plumbing in my bathroom and had to file a pipe thinner, I was using sandpaper and a file to thin it and was getting a bit stressed when jewels pipes up and says

“Do you want to borrow a razor? ”

I asked what for

“To file the pipe”

I told her it was made of copper to which she said

“That’s Ok is a bic”

How can I Plumb after that

Jewels asked me today if solar power works on daylight or sunlight

Like there’s a difference

Got to love her

Just chatting to jewels about camping and we were talking about buying an electric generator and jewels says

If we bought a generator and we were on a non electric pitch. …….. were would we plug it in?????


Having a conversation with my mum the other day and we were chatting about the weather, i said

i remember when seasons was seasons when i was a kid and she said the same then she said

Its since we went to the moon

i said …what??

she said

yes since we went to the  moon the weather has been wrong!! i blame them for the weather, it was ok before they went there.

i blame the age lol

Just chatting to Jewels about paraffin candles being carcinogenic and she said whats that mean

i said that it means they could cause cancer as they are made with paraffin

she said “whatever, there not made of paraffin else why don’t they blow up???”



Just chatting to Jewels about when she went to Blackpool pleasure beach when the boys were 8,9 and 10.

She queued up to take them on a mediocre ride and waited asking the boys if they were excited, when they got to the front of the queue they started moving, then suddenly the car takes a turn to the left to the BIG RIDE……. she had only got in the wrong queue and took the boys on the adult ride.

Half way up the hill the boys are hysterical and crying their eyes out but they went on it and survived lol

Moral of the story…………. DON’T LET JEWELS DECIDE ANYTHING ha ha


Just been talking to Adam about Stephen Hawkins, when brain of Britain jumps in and says….

Is that superman??

Gotta love Jewels

Just playing with lexi and her helium filled ballon from McDonalds, I was in the process of taking off the plastic bit that holds the helium in, better known as a stop when Jewels says

“why are you taking that out, it won’t float up in the air without that”

Jewels was warning Benn about parties when she said the best 1 liner ever


“Right i’m only going to tell you once ….again”

Ill bet she tells him once again the next time too lol

Just read an amazing fact about how much the internet weighs, if you add all the microns of data its about the same weight as a strawberry.

Said to Jewels, do you know how much the internet weighs?

she said

“WEIGHS!!!!….WEIGHS!!!, it doesn’t weigh nothing cus its air, when i Google something it goes out through your aerial”

Internet Queen Jewels here lol

Jewels was telling me about when she had her driving lessons when she was 18, it went like this

After she finished her first lesson she pulled up and  the instructor told her to LEAVE THE ENGINE RUNNING AND PUT THE HAND BRAKE ON.

After a chat about the workings of a car the instructor asked her what the red light on the dashboard meant!

The reply was

“Have we run out of petrol???”