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March 2018
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Archive for the ‘Quotes and sayings’ Category

Jewels woke up a couple of weeks ago with a case of bells palsy (OK now)

Last week she woke up with a bad leg and needed pain killers

She told me she thinks she knows why shes waking up like this

Get this…


This is awesome…

Her answer is “I think ive been abducted by aliens and they have done experiments on me”

lol , darling if they took you they would give earth a wide birth from now on lol

Jewels has just made me and herself a coffee so there’s 2 cups on the kitchen side.

Jewels shouts to me

“Babe your coffees the one on the middle”

Middle ???? with 2 cups mmmmm work that out Einstein lol

Were going to a party so i asked Jewels what time were going

she said “it starts at 7 so we eill get there for 8 cus we dont want to be early”

but if we turned up at 7 we would be ontime wouldnt we ? lol

On our way back from shopping Jewels says

“The fogs starting to come in” and pointed to a gap in the buildings.

I asked how she knew, she replied

“You cant see anything between those buildings”

After i stopped myself crashing from laughing i told her that there WASN’T anything between those buildings.

Just asked Jewels what  Mercurial means before i looked it up

She replies

“I think its something to do with mermaids”

Ye Jewels trying to write a program includes mermaids in it lol

Jewels asked me how i was getting on with the new language i was writing in , it went like this, note the language is called ‘Java’

“Hey babe , how you getting on with JAFFA”

lol JAFFA , and she didnt even laugh when she said it lol

Jewels told me last night she could speak french quite well so i asked her to say something

She said


nice one Jewels , at least were safe if we get stuck in France lol

I asked Jewels last night if she could speak another language what would it be

She said


lol so what do you try and speak now lol

Just remembered this one from when i first met Jewels,

I asked her if she had ever heard of Guns and Roses

She replied

“Of course, i like September rain ”

SEPTEMBER RAIN… that’s now a fantastic song ruined lol

Well Jewels wanted to `chill` her wine but fast, unfortunately like her pasta she forgot about it and ended up with an expensive ice cube lol, frozen wine and burned pasta for tea then this night lol ….. nice

Jewels made the boys some cocoa but either she put it in too long or it exploded lol , answers on a comment

Just asking Jewels if she heard about the problem with the iPhone 5 and the maps app

She replied

“Oh ye i did they found a GULCH”

I said “Whats a GULCH”

She said “Its when you have a problem with something”

LOL LOL she meant GLITCH, Its to hopes she never works for NASA, imagine her trying to assist landing on the moon, she would probably send them the wrong way lol

OK so to prove this isnt all about Jewels, i made a boob and thought id share it…

Me and Jewels were looking through some pictures and one came up that was shakey and blurred so i said

“lol i bet you took that one cus its blurred”

Jewels said

“How can i ….. its a pic of you and ME”

see we all can say silly things lol

Said to Jewels this morning

“Did you know there was a meteor in the sky last night?”

She said .. out of nowhere

“Did it have a green light on”

I said “WHAT ???? , whats that mean”

She replied “Was it bright, did it have a green light on”

Ye Jewels it did but ill bet the leccy bills hugh having the green light on for a million years lol x


This is how to look after your wine …. Jewels style, i don’t know if it was my driving or to show how much Jewels cares for her wine but for some reason she wanted to protect it this day lol


ANOTHER interesting conversation with Jewels

We were talking about the colour of the sky

I said
“its not blue its an optical illusion”

She replied

“Whatever , that’s like saying the seas not blue either”


An idea by Jewels for reusable energy

Sat in car talking about wind turbines and Jewels said

“They should put them near airports”

I asked why , to which she replied

“Well all the wind that planes cause,they could use it to turn the turbines?”

I tried not to crash for laughing lol

In asda and i said to Jewles

“Do you want some tuna, its 4 cans for £4”

She replies

“There expensive, that makes them 1 pound per tin…….what about these ones , there only £3 for 3”

You do the maths Jewels…………….

Said to Jewels the other day

“Poor Neil Armstrong, he was the first ever person to walk on the moon”

Jewels replied

“No he wasnt, it was that monkey”

LOL nuff said

Jewels decided to buy this because it would taste better for the dogs, first thing is…. dogs will eat their own feet if they had gravy on them and second … WHO THE HELL TASTED THIS TO SAY ITS `REAL MEATY TASTE`?????

I went to empty the dishwasher the other day and noticed all the pots were still dirty, i was hoping there wasn’t a fault  so started the diagnosis, the first thing i noticed is the dishwasher tablet STILL IN ITS WRAPPER, Jewels had only thought it was a disposable wrapper and sent it through a wash lol

Approaching this object jewels shouts `hey look its a BBQ`

mmmmm looks more like a bomb to me lol

Just been walking on the beach at cleethorpes and jewels says `ahh look at that dog`

I said `what dog is it?`

Jewels says `its a dulux dog`

i said `its not called a dulux dog`

she said (quite serious) ` it is , its named after the dulux paint`

lol so apparently these dogs didn’t exist until 1931 which is when dulux was created and as a mascot they created these dogs lol

Jewels makes a nice pasta……………………BUT she always forgets about it until she hears the crackling then she knows its done, that’s as well as the smoke alarm.









Jewels asked me if i wanted a horlicks to make me feel better as i was feeling a bit under the weather.

Needless to say once i got this i was feeling under a bloody storm lol

Jewels has just asked me to read how long a microwave burger needs from the packet

I said “For our microwave it needs 80 seconds”

She looks at me cleverly and says “Dont you mean 1 minute and 40 seconds!!”

How can I answer that lol



Just been to Tesco and i said to Jewels

“Wow look at all that Halal chicken”

Jewels looks at me quite surprised and says

“Babe …. how do you know its Halal???”

lol i don’t know babe, think it was just a lucky guess

Jewels has just looked at me very serious after turning the TV off and said

“That wont stop the recordings will it”

lol ye G if you cant see it you cant record it lol x

Me and Jewels were talking to Benn about what computer languages i can write in, Jewels said

“Do you write in VPL?”

I looked at her and said “No whats that?”

She said

“HAA HAA HAA ive just remembered it stands for Visual Panty Line lol”

Nice one G x

Ive just said to Jewels

“Did you put lexis tea in?”

She got up and ran in the kitchen then came back in and said

“Babe i think the ovens gone out but i cant smell gas”

I asked her if she had put the timer on by accident she said no but the ovens not hot

After going in and smelling a hot oven I opened the other oven to see if it was hot and nearly burned myself

Shes only put the wrong oven on and couldnt work out why the food was still frozen in the cold oven lol


Got to love her lol